It’s Been Three Thousand 287 Days

Three thousand two hundred and eight seven days.

Nine years.

4,761,305 minutes

Missing you every one of the 285,678,459 seconds since you left this world.

You gifted me so many things in our time together – things I never asked for. But the greatest gift you gave me was when you wrapped your arms around me for one of the best and hardest hugs we ever shared when you whispered in my ear – I will always be with you.

Yesterday, missing you extra as I reflected on your life and my life here without you physically in it all the while looking at a photo of you, momma and McKenzie, I walked outside to check on Coal and as I stood in the side yard admiring my newly sprung peony plants that I surely thought didn’t make it through last year – I turned and noticed a black dragonfly. It literally took my breath away for a moment. I put forth my hand (asking without even realizing) Daddy – please land in my hand. As the dragonfly floated and bobbed back in forth, I wished I had my phone to capture the moment should it have landed. It didn’t. A few seconds later, it flew around the pub and was gone. I said aloud as the tears streamed down my face – Daddy – why did you leave me? The dragonfly wasn’t actually my dad but it was representing my loss all over again.

I made my way into the house to retrieve my phone to call my GW to share with him the precious moment that had encountered. After I collected myself so that I didn’t scare him with a different tone in my voice, the time on my phone as I lifted it to open the screen was 4:21. Your 4:21.

A God Wink from the Heavens confirming for the second time in those few moments that you are still a man of your word just like you were when you were still with me on Earth. I’ll always be with you. Is what I “heard” in my soul. I’ll always be with you.

I called my little brother and shared with him my God Wink. I could hear his crooked grin through the phone and the softness he has for me in that moment. This year hits different he says – he’s not wrong. But he has me and I have him. And for that, I will forever be thankful.